Never Been Kissed.

Fast forward to the 4min. mark. Thats thee kiss.

Ive never been kissed. I am 19 years old and I've never been kissed.

I've just finished watching "Never Been Kissed" and it made me realize that i have never been truly kissed. You know, like kissed, kissed. Like the kiss at the very end of the film. That kind of kiss. Sure, i suppose you can say I've had my share of kisses with different boys. No need to count them all. But Ive never really felt a kiss like the one that Drew Berrymore and Micheal Vartan characters shared. Ive came to realize that those how ever many kisses Ive had weren't really important.

Ive had my first kiss which was now in retrospect, only done so i could get it over with. Sure it wasn't as horrible as many people say their first kiss was but it sure wasn't anything special. I left feeling relieved that i could finally say i had my first kiss. To societies measures, i was a late bloomer, having my first kiss at the tender age of 16. The kisses Ive had since then vary from nice, to steamy, to down right sloppy (we wont mention any names. even though the vengeful side of me would like to. ).

Regardless, I've never been kissed. I've never had that kiss that blew me away and made me a different person. I desperately earn for THAT kiss. The kiss that is just right. Steamy but not sweaty, sweat and soft, but not to delicate. That kiss that you feel at the pit of your stomach that makes you stop thinking entirely. That kiss that makes everything around you and the other person you are kissing turn completly into black. That kiss that when you stop for some air, and you look into eachothers eyes, you can see that he is thinking that you are the most beautiful girl in the entier world and that he wouldnt want to kiss anyone else but you. That kiss, that when he is holding you, you feel light as a feather. That kiss that you can not think of any of your insecurities. THAT kiss is what I'm waiting for.

I assume the reason why i have never experience that type of kiss before is because i have never been in LOVE. This is difficult because, yes, i have said the "L" word to the opposite sex before, but i don't think i ever truly knew the meaning. I still do not know the meaning. Its a huge commitment to say something and mean it as well. Especially something such as LOVE.
it has this huge stigma on its back. People use that word so much sometimes but so little times mean it. So when i say it (again) i truly want to be sure i mean it.

I ask myself so many times how i would be so sure that i actually mean it. Well, after watching another movie, 500 Days of Summer (which was EXCELLENT BTW!) I learned that you just wake up and you know. Ive never been positively certain that i was in love with someone. Sure, i tease that I am in love with John Mayer. and yes, sometimes i speak of it so much that i often fool myself thinking that i could be, but i quickly remember that it is just a sick fantasy that i hide in.

I think it comes to no surprise when i say that i am still a virgin. Oh those dreaded words. This pressure that i felt to receive my first kiss also comes with losing your virginity. Ideally, i would like to say that i will not have sex until i am sure i am IN love. IN being the big picture here. But yes, it is true, i have hormones and sometimes, even though the kiss isn't the picture perfect kiss, it suffices. I hope that my hormones don't control me so much so that I'd give in. But then again, i did give in to that first kiss.

I am noticing that i am running around in circles with this post. It can almost be directly related to the time. It is 2:41 in the AM here in Los Angeles. The point that i really want to make across is that, a kiss, a perfect kiss is going to be really hard to come by. It brings me to wonder, how many people have truly been kissed? Most importantly, I always wonder, WHEN. When will i be Kissed for the first time?